Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Everlasting Love


This past week has made a large impact on my life. I found out last Monday that the doctors were only giving my grandmother 3-6 days to survive. This really hit hard finding this information out for many reasons.   

Unfortunately, my time with her the past few years have been in the hospital. She could never seem to get well. It hurts me to know that she was always in so much pain. It got to a point where the hospital would not take her in anymore and she was going to be kept in hospice. My family went to visit her but it wasn't long before the doctors kept her fully sedated until she passed. I was not fortunate enough to ever really get to know either of my grandfathers. Both of them passed away when I was a very young age. I do not have any memories of my mom's dad, and very few of my father's dad with only a few pictures to look back on. As I was getting ready for church yesterday morning, I received a phone call that no one ever wishes to receive. My grandmother had passed away.  I have had many people close to me lose people they were close to, but none in my life that I was old enough to remember. I always felt bad for them but at the same time had no idea what that feeling of losing a loved one was. I was at first shocked....continued getting ready for a few minutes....and then completely lost it. At that point I just wanted to be alone for awhile. Brad left to go to church without me and I began cleaning and organizing my whole house. For some reason, I do this especially when I am mad or upset. I guess it was my way of getting my mind off things.

Brad's step grandparents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary shortly after church. They had a celebration get together with well over 100 people show up. There are not many couples in the world that make it to 50+ years of marriage any more. I did not want to miss being there with Brad to support them. While I thought I had composed myself, everything hit me like a ton of bricks. Everyone there that I knew came up to me and told me how sorry they were about my grandma. I did not tell anyone but Brad but the word had gotten out once people at church asked why he was there without me. I appreciated everyone showing that they cared but everything had JUST happened and there were a few times I had to completely walk out because I got so upset.

Brad's grandparents and step-grandparents have been like my own. His mother's parents live less than 1/2 a mile from us and I see or talk to them daily. Our relationship has made me realize what it is like to truly have that connection. This has been a blessing the past 4 years with Brad but also made me miss that connection with my own grandparents...not ever really knowing my grandfathers and having all those memories to look back on. 
The funeral is on Wednesday and cannot believe that this will be the last time I see her. I hate that she passed at the age of 71 and I think it hurts me the most knowing that she will not be at my wedding and be a part of whatever the future might bring for me and my family. As much as this hurts now, I know this is a part of life and that there is a time for everyone to go. I am just thankful that she was in good hands and did not have to suffer any longer. She is now in a better place. 




3 comments:

  1. So Sorry for your loss, Amber. I know how much it stinks to lose those you love. Remember that she isn't sick or suffering anymore. <3

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  2. amber i am so sorry. that is really sad. but you're right she is no longer suffering and is in a great and wonderful place, watching over you.

    you're in my prayers. i'll be thinking of you and your family on wednesday.

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  3. Amber, I'm so sorry for you loss! My prayers are with you and your family! Thinking of you and your family. Your grandma is in a better place now and is the angel watching over you! XOXO

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